Hello! How dare we suggest that they not partner with men anymore?
This is what I Blame The Patriarchy has deteriorated into since the great transquestioner eradication project. It’s all full of that 101 femininity-defending and nigel-defending that you see on the funfemmie blogs. In other words, it’s become a hell of a lot more male-identified. How strange, that the peeps who are left there, the so-called pro-trans peeps, are the male-identified ones. Is anyone surprised at that? Not me.
According to some there, the desire to fuck dudes is their natural instinct rather than the result of a life time of male hegemony and social enforcement. It’s apparently mean of lesbians to suggest that perhaps they are helping to perpetuate patriarchy by identifying so strongly with their oppressors.
In the interests of avoiding the dualism patriarchy loves, maybe we could envision something in between marriage and the sexual/domestic servitude that accompanies it, and lesbian separatism. Just humour me for a moment.
When het feminists say “Hey I’m het! I like sex with males!” I want to say this in response:
Have your dude sex if you like it. Personally I can’t understand how any woman with even mild feminist awareness could stomach the thought of consensual sexual intimacy with a man, but that’s just me. If you want to do that stuff in your spare time, that’s your business. But. Why can you not just leave it at that? Why not just sex? Why do you have to also co-habit with a dude and become his carer as well? That’s the part that saps your time and energy and wears you down into identifying with male interests.
That energy could be used in forging social ties with other women. It could be used in supporting other women to access social resources that are denied them under patriarchy. It could be used to facilitate your own access to social resources! Meaningful work, study, pursuit of your own unique talents, developing your own identity. It could be harnessed in pursuit of human rights activism and social justice for all. The spare time you would have left over could be used for other women’s company, for friendships and laughter. It could go to strengthening feminist revolution! Hell. You don’t have to be having sex with women in order to enjoy their company. What a shame that het women have internalised this very patriarchal view of themselves and other women; the view that the only meaningful relationships are sexual ones.
But het women can’t seem to just have the sex. Heterosexual relations seem to incrementally mould women into the subservience that men and patriarchy require; it brainwashes them. In this way heterosexual relations are toxic for women, all women. They might deny that they are Stepford wives, and clearly this is true for many of them as can be evidenced by the excellent feminist commentary that comes from them. But. Just because they can manage to have sex with men and still think feminist thoughts, doesn’t mean that the relations are good for them. Just because they like having sex with men doesn’t mean it’s good for them. Not if, as I said, it goes part and parcel with the full brainwashing deal; the deal that prevents them from using their talent and their energy and resources for a real feminist revolution, as opposed to the fauxrevolution that is the femisphere. It is the strong identification with the oppressor class that keeps women too exhausted for feminist activism. When you suggest to het feminists that they could be more political, more committed to activism and sociostructural change, they sometimes get kinda snippy. Then they think we’re being unfair to them, because they are doing the best that they can under patriarchy and it’s ‘unfeminist’ to suggest they do more. The reason they don’t feel that they can do more is because they’re too busy taking care of nigels and hence maintaining patriarchy.
I wonder if they ever stop to consider that maybe there is a whole other, more meaningful, life waiting for them on the other side of that husband/boyfriend/penis. A life so satisfying that they would hardly notice the absence of a little thing like a dick.
Het feminists are deluding themselves that their personal sexual relations with men are harmless and only impacting on them as individuals. Those attachments are NOT harmless. They are stealing the energy needed to free all women from male power and tyranny.